Tired

Assalamualaikum. Hey peepurrr.

As you can see at the title above, i'm tired. Tired of life. I'm getting fat day by day. My friends in hostel and in school keep calling me Nabelon which means fat. I'm kinda dissapointed when people called me that. Sometimes my dad keep dissing me because i'm getting fat. It hurts me so much.

Not just that. I'm fat, untalented, idiot, blur, gullible, 'bodoh sombong' aka le fucking arrogant, easily mad at people, lazy and more. 2 days ago my dad said that makes me mad at him and slamming the door like a crazy person. He said that i'm stupid arrogant. I keep mad at people. He keep praising my lil brother because he's fucking hardworking. Kepala hotak kau rajin lah. He keep praising my lil brother and think negative bout' me getting lazy. 

How am I supposed to be hardworking person. He don't even praising me for getting number 1 in class, get higher marks, get high ranking in school and got listed being a good student aka cemerlang SPM. I take care of my siblings when my mom wasn't around. I wash the dishes, I ironing their uniform and more but WHY THEY DIDN'T EVEN PRAISE ME? THEY KEEP BLAME ME OF EVERYTHING. DO I LOOK USELESS TO THEM? My mom also said that i'm like a princess, didn't do anything. I'm so fucking mad. Do I look like a maid to them? 

Why do I keep wearing the same clothes eventhough I already bought another clothes? It is because when I was choosing the clothes, I didn't expect i'm getting THAT fat yep. Well actually, I bought the clothes hurriedly yea. My boobs are big and I don't know how to make my boobs small tbh. I rather getting flat than getting big boobs tbh.

I'm fat. I'm a pig. I'm useless and hopeless. Nobody love me anymore. I'm getting more pimples. I tried so many brands but still didn't work. The plaster one are too expensive and i'm out of money. I'm getting ugly and I really want to cry right now. I got so many pimples (that can be hide and some can't be hide maybe) because of serum. I didn't even realize that I wore a serum mask. I thought that mask are more less chubby. I mean... I thought that mask can make me less chubby yeah.. BUT FUUUCCCKKK SRSLY I CRIED AFTER THAT. I had use toothpaste. Some people said that toothpaste can make the pimple get the fuck away from your faceu but NOPE. DON'T CHU EVER TRY TO DO THAT. My face was burned af. It hurts so much. You can feel the heat when you use the other mask and wash your face after that tbh i'm not lying.

My dad keep saying bout my pimples and i'm kinda mad at him. IF YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE THIS PIMPLES THINGY SO HELP ME LAH. NOT COMPLAIN BOUT MY FACE AND THE PIMPLES.

Ugh idk. I think I don't deserve to live in this world anymore yea bye.